The power of one...

Before JT was born my sister gave me several parenting books, Aya bought some books and some were recommended by classes we took. Somewhere in all the book buying and reading I signed up for a baby website...www.babycenter.com. Basically the site tells you what to expect each week as your baby grows up and has bulletin boards for parents to share any problems/solutions.

This week there was this great article:

For most families, one isn't enough. The average American woman will have two children (the official census statistic is 1.86 children). But some refreshingly honest parents admit that the decision to have a second child is often based largely on what's best for the first child, not what's right for Mom and Dad.

Many people believe children need siblings for companionship and so they don't grow up spoiled. Parents who buck that trend to raise only children face the stigma of selfishness. "That's a terrible reason to have a second child," says Sylvia H., a jewelry designer and mother of 6-year-old Nick. "I've just never had the urge for another one. And Nick is such a great kid. He's a good sleeper, he has a great disposition, and he's smart. My attitude is Quit while you're ahead.

Plus, we like our lifestyle now. It's manageable. That's a difficult thing to say because there aren't many people who feel the same way. Outsiders think we're being selfish." As for the playmate issue, Sylvia says Nick has plenty of interaction with friends, cousins, and classmates. And for those who think Sylvia doesn't know the joys of siblings, consider that she's one of five and they're all still very close.

Research seems to be on Sylvia's side, too. According to Bill McKibben, author of Maybe One: An Environmental and Personal Argument for Single-Child Families, studies show that only children tend to do better in school, especially in science, math, and literature; have more friends; and be more flexible about gender roles than kids in larger families.

I have to admit that after JT was born I really had ZERO inclination for child number two. ZERO...ZILCH...NADA...NIL...NO WAY JOSE. However, as JT has gotten older I began to think JT would be even better if he had a sibling so he could learn how to share better and have someone other than me to play with. I had no other reason to have two except that having two could make JT better....but what does that say for child number two??

Shirley came over this weekend and as she was leaving she said, "Having 4 (2 kids, Roger and her) makes it seem much more like a family...more so when they were just 3." Hmm. Nope, didn't do it for me. If anything, seeing Ryan, Jessica and JT together was just horrible. It was great to visit and hang out...but so glad Shirley was off to go home and take 66% of the children with her!

This has also been coupled with the fact that I sort of have two children if you count Aya. Aya does a great job with JT, works hard, makes good money...all that is true....but the fact is I have to follow up on almost every issue around the house from bills, to errands, to bees, to fumigation, to vacation, to cars, to JT, to food, to chores...somehow I became the unlucky step sister (Cindrella) while Aya gets to be the "princess". Oh yeah, last time I checked I still had a decent paying job too.

Aya and I are very fortunate to have our health, to have good jobs, to have good friends and to have a great kid. Just like the lady in the article, I think we should quit when we are ahead. I just can't see any reason to have another.